Homeless
I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about family. Specifically my family, but really about all families. How different they are, and how, really, family doesn’t always have to mean “we.” It can be about the individuals, and goes beyond blood and marriage. If you aren’t willing to think of it in this way, you lose out on a lot. It was fitting, then, that I accompanied Gina on her routine visit to the Interfaith Rotating Winter Shelter in Davis.
The IRWS provides shelter and other basic needs to the local homeless population through a netword of faith-based congregations. Drawing on volunteers from all religious backgrounds, the organization rotates shelters from Church to Temple to Mosque throughout the winter months. More than just shelter, they are providing a family for their otherwise homeless (and oftentimes family-less) guests.
Gina has been working with the IRWS for two years now, and spends many winter nights camped out on a cot to monitor the shelter until morning. I was fortunate to tag along one night and took away some much-needed perspective about family.
I saw two things that night: people who were alone, but who were content. There were no homeless families stopping through – everyone was there alone. Maybe they had come before, but they all slept in their own sleeping bags, stretched out across a big gym, claiming the corners for themselves. My first instinct was to feel pity, to feel sad. Obviously not the place someone wants to be (especially on Christmas), the idea of coming to a church to sleep was just near depressing. But I resisted that inclination for long enough to see that these people, as unhealthy or unhappy as some of them likely were, were grateful. They had so very little, yet were kind, personable and shared in a strong sense of camaraderie. They were not expressing ideas of hate and bitterness. It was not a place devoid of family. It was, at least for that night, a family in and of itself. They came and left alone, but depended on each other while they were there. It’s that sense of willingness to be alone and together that struck a cord in me. Families are not just “we.” They are the people, sometimes alone and by themselves and sometimes together and depending on one another. If I can accept that, I’ll be ok.
Home
It almost didn’t happen. My flight was cancelled since a storm was blowing through Chicago - my layover desitnation. I got an email alert at 10 in the morning, as I was teaching my last day of classes before vacation. I stopped everything, got out my phone and started negotiations. My students were understanding and just kind of sat there and watched me. Probably a very different side of me they aren’t used to seeing.
After some serious searching, my agent delivered the bad news: no flights until 6 PM on Christmas Eve. I wouldn’t get home until the wee hours of Christmas day. Not the worste scenario, but certainly not acceptable. We hung up and I called back again, and again and again. Eventually, I conneccted with an agent who was able to find me a direct flight into SF that same night – arriving 2 hours before my original arrival. Not sure how that worked out, but I jumped on the opportunity. And before I knew it, I was home.
But I’m not going to pretend that this was a great Christmas. It was strange to not have all my family together. For the first time in my life, it wasn’t a bustling commotion of cousins, aunts and grandparents. It got me to thinking about family.
We so commonly use the word in terms of a group of people. When I think of family, I imagine a big group photo of my relatives. But family isn’t just the group – it’s the individual. A family that isn’t always cohesive doesn’t mean a family that is fractured. The people are still the same. The people are still there. I’ve come to realize that my idea of family is something that might need to change. I can’t forget that despite the changes my family is going through, we haven’t really changed at all. I just need to appreciate them all in a different way. And it might take a little more work, but it’s worth it. My family is definitely worth it.
- Jeff
Thank(full)
Despite being away from family for the holiday, this past week has been a real delight. I was grateful to be in the company of two of my closest friends (my roommate Erika and fly-in friend Gina) and had the benefit of Skyping and talking to all of my family back home. Things aren’t the like they used to be, but what is, anyway?
Gina and I made a go of it and left a trail of menus in our wake. Our relationship (like so many of my relationships) is based on food and the joy that we derive from sharing a good meal and conversation. There’s really no better way to capture the week, so here’s a play-by-play of our edible Thanksgiving journey.
Gina got here late Tuesday night. After waiting for me at the airport for a bit (she thought I was picking her up, I thought she was cabbing it over), she figured it out and was at my doorstop by 8 PM. Within the hour, we were at Urban Saloon on Fairmont for a bite. To start things off, I ordered the Tater Tots with melted cheese, chives and bacon. Deadly combo that is literally irresistible. May look gross in print, but it’s delicious on a plate. Trust me. We split Crab Cake Sliders and chatted about everything and anything, from boyfriends to work drama and what ifs. By 10, I could have sworn I was back home.
It was Wednesday morning, and my school traded days off – Veteran’s Day for the day before Thanksgiving. The house was empty and I wanted breakfast. Thankfully, I had prepared for such an event. That morning’s menu had only one item: banana pancakes mixed with crushed cashews and topped with Nutella and dipping syrup on the side. Just the way to start a long day in the city.
Our first order of business was to apply for a PA driver’s license downtown. My CA card expired on my birthday, and to make a long story short (and less embarrassing) I needed to get a new one pronto. We hopped on our bikes and headed for the DMV. To my surprise, extremely efficient and fast. Within 45 minutes, they hole punched my CA license, took a new pic and delivered me a new plastic card. We could learn something here.
By the afternoon, we had grabbed Indian food at Reading Terminal and toured the Philadelphia Fabric Workshop & Museum. The museum was a random discovery but ended up being a highlight of the day – really interesting art and a great venue. Look it up and check out the felt cave installation (literally a small cave made of felt…with stalagmites and all).
Thursday was the big day – Thanksgiving was here. Erika and I had already gathered all the ingredients to make the goodies, so it was just a matter of time. Hanging out on the couch, half-watching Home Alone, we managed to pull it off. I was in charge of the stuffing (family recipe), Gina took care of the potatoes and Erika did everything else (good job, Erika). It was a meal for 10, and there were only 3 of us – but we’ll have leftovers for a while now. I just made a black bean turkey burrito for dinner.
It was a Friday night and we somehow found ourselves in a hip noodle bar in Manhattan. We weren’t planning on it, but Gina’s boyfriend Thomas had worked here during his stint in New York and slipped a gift card in her luggage for the restaurant. Thanks to Thomas (thanks, Thomas), we picked through the impressive menu and filled up. The restaurant chain also includes a “milk bar” aka dessert shop, so we stopped by on our way out. I tried their marshmallow chocolate chip corn flak cookie and old fashioned donut soft serve ice cream and just about melted. A bit too sweet, but damn good.
But we didn’t go just for the food – we also managed to eBay some cheap orchestra tickets to one of my favorite bands of all time: Guster. They were playing two nights in New York from their most popular album “Lost & Gone Forever,’ and we spent the rest of the night signing and dancing. Most everyone else just stood there. Made us feel special.
The weekend was already here, and we started to feel the distance creeping up. Gina had just one more meal on her wish list: Edamame Ravioli from Buddakan. I’ve posted about the ravioli’s before and named them one of my favorite things in 2008. I still love them and am determined to make them at home one day. All in all, a perfect ending to a perfect week.
Gina left this morning, albeit a bit late. We slept through the alarm and she missed her flight. She somehow managed to get on the next flight (just an hour later) and arrived home safe and sound. And full.
- Jeff
Living
It’s not so much that I’ve been busy lately as it is that I’ve been living lately. Until I get the inspiration, an update:
Things at school are unspeakably superb. I wake up every morning excited to go to school, and I spend the day with kids that treat me with respect and want to learn. I’m in a parallel universe at a public school where teachers teach and kids learn. Some credit is due to the simple fact that the second time around really does make all the difference. I’ve come to grips with the fact that nothing is perfect, and that not every kid will love me. It’s also true, though, that some things are perfect, and some kids will love me. More than that, I now have the wherewithal and time to do all the things I never could last year. I’m tracking student data like a master and planning some killer lessons. It makes me feel like I’m finally learning how to be the teacher I should have been all along. But tis’ the learning curve. I’m over the hump, and it feels amazing.
Things at home are a bit more complicated. I just found out that my boyfriend of 3 years is moving back to California from his job in NY. That means less face time with a special guy that makes my face pretty happy. It also might mean I get to go home more often to see him. And any time spent in CA is time well spent. I won’t be going home for Thanksgiving (too expensive before Christmas) but I will be seeing Gina, who has made coming to Philly for Thanksgiving something of a tradition. We’ll probably make dinner here at home with Erika and feed the homeless in our spare time. Gina is currently working on her sainthood, so we had to fit that in somewhere.
My family is spread all over the place and I miss them terribly. Halloween is my mom’s birthday, and with such fond memories from childhood I couldn’t help but get sentimental this past weekend. Where was the pizza? Honan’s laugh? Uncle Chris’ ridiculous politics? The late night games and birthday cake? All memories that warm my heart, but in some ways leave it a bit cold these days. Being an adult on your own can have its advantages, but I’m learning it can be harder than it looked back then…when being an adult seemed like so much fun.
Halloween, 1988
- Jeff
Oh, Mom
Not too much to this one. The picture really says it all. My mom was traveling in Turkey and broke her ankle on a rocky shore. Bad luck, but she made the best of it. During her surgery and casting, she was without her usual amenities. But that didn’t stop her from looking good. This picture just cracked me up.
I’d love to know what that nurse is thinking….
“And I thought sponge baths were bad.”
I love you, Mom! Welcome home!
- Jeff
Thing #3 to do in Elk Grove
I grew up in the capitol and on the lake – my mom worked in the legislature and my dad was an avid fisherman. My mom has retired since I left for college, so I don’t find myself at the capitol too often. My dad, though, has not given up his fishing. He still plays in tournaments and has a badass wall of trophies hanging in the garage. While I was home, I had to take advantage of the situation.
There may not be a lake in Elk Grove, per se, but travel about 20 minutes southeast to Lake Pardee, and you’ll be deep in the outdoors. That’s where we spent a day last weekend searching for fish and basking in the sun. The funny thing about most of the lakes in the Central Valley is that they aren’t really that ‘pretty.’ Dry and mostly yellow, the rolling hills that surround Lake Pardee are sometimes blinding. I’ve come to appreciate it, though, for the simplicity of its natural state. Living on the east coast is a different story – where even the freeways are lined with thick green foliage. The landscape is only part of the experience, since the boat is where the action happens.
My dad would have you believe that I’m a pro like him, but the truth is (as I’m sure you could have predicted) I’m not really into fishing. I can last about 30 minutes before I’m bored of just sitting there with my line dangling in the water. I actually admire my dad for being so dedicated to a sport that requires an enormous amount of patience, and a kind of quiet that might drive others to the edge. So, about 45 minutes into our adventure, I hunkered down and fished in my bag for a trusty magazine. The rest of the day consisted of me and Gina laying out and sleeping on the boat while my dad managed to wrangle in six fish without much help or fanfare. It was just like I was young again – not much has changed. I remember going out with my dad and reading a chapter book, only occasionally pausing to reel in a fish my dad had caught on his own. It was a father-son hobby that never really translated. Unlike his father to him, I don’t see myself adopting my dad’s enthusiasm for fishing. But I know he doesn’t mind since that never was his intention. I think he just wanted us to spend some time together outside. So even though Gina and I failed to catch even one fish on our own, we still had a great time. The fish weren’t the reason we went, it was the company.
- Jeff
48 hours in Monterey
I took a break from Elk Grove this weekend and made a getaway to Monterey with my dad, uncles and sister. I had forgotten how breathtaking the beauty of the west coast can be, but was reminded every time I looked around. The rhythms of crashing waves, the towering boulders on the shore (how, exactly, did they get there?) and small roads that somehow seem to blend with the beaches, sand encroaching on the pavement and blurring the line between nature and civilization. A much needed vacation that allowed for some thinking and quality time with people I love.
My uncles brought up some bikes and we spent most of the weekend riding around town, making our way down 17-mile drive and into Carmel, and taking a trip downtown for a deli lunch. There were definitely times I felt overpowered by the hills, but whenever I felt my legs start to tremble, I either tried harder (my thighs hurt like hell now) or I stopped and walked my bike. Sometimes you just have to give in.
And of course we had to put in some time at the Monterey Bay Aquarium – one of the best in the world (and it lives up to its reputation). There is a special exhibit on seahorses that was totally fascinating. Those little creatures are absolutely amazing. I got a close up look at a lot of different specimens – all extremely diverse. Some had extra appendages to help develop a convincing camouflage – they actually looked like kelp and coral. Super cool. But more than their looks, I got really into their reproductive practices. The male, not the female, holds and gives birth to the offspring. The seahorse is the only animal to do so, as the male takes on the biological incubation of the eggs. We even got to see a taped birth, which I recommend watching here (make sure your sitting down… it might take a while).
All in all, a great aquarium. My only complaint: cameras. People need to stop taking so many damn pictures of things. Just see it for what it is and try your best to remember it without shoving a camera phone in the way or setting up a tripod in front of the exhibit (that really happened). I mean – it was ridiculous, there were literally 15 cameras at one point, all centered on a small glass window of seahorses. I say if you want a memory, head for the gift shop on your way out.
Despite the fish paparazzi, I loved the aquarium. And despite the short trip, I loved the city itself. I’ll be back, and if you ever think of making your way down the coast, check out NYTimes’ Travel Guide. They have some great tips and planning tools to make a short or long vacation easy and worthwhile.
- Jeff
Birth day
The newest addition to the family was born yesterday.
Say hello to Audrey Claire Blake.
- Jeff
Still waiting
I hadn’t been so anxious for anything in a long while. Waiting for the news about prop 8 made me get butterflies this morning at school. I kept glancing at the clock while trying to focus on my lessons for the day, but my heart was someplace else. When the news finally did come down, I felt annoyed more than anything else. Tired of all the work and effort that people have put into this cause and so overwhelmed by the real possibility that this is going to take a long, long time. The only thing that makes it ok is that I know (and I think most people do) that same-sex marriage is inevitable. If I thought it was more impossible, I think I would be a bit more daunted. But I’m not. I’ll leave it at that, except for this quote that I saw today. It reminded me of all the hard work that is still ahead, and gave me a sense of subtle motivation.
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
My mom and Dave were in SF to see the action outside the Supreme Court. She snapped this picture for me. I felt like, in a little way, I was there. She said everyone started shouting in unison, “Shame on you.” Now that’s history.
- Jeff
Wanna Get Away?
Each day, Southwest is revealing a “mystery city” that is 50% off – round trip. I just got notice that Philadelphia is today’s mystery city – and today is the ONLY day for Philly! If you have been thinking about visiting Philadelphia, now is the time. Each day they reveal a new city, so check it out from now until Monday, 4/27. Let me know if you are interested, and let’s work something out. A lot of fares are under $200 RT, but travel must happen before June 1oth and blackout days are May 21-25th. Check it out!
- Jeff
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