Jeff for America

Curtis is in the 6th grade, and last year, in the 5th grade, decided to tell one of his classmates that he was gay. Good idea? Bad idea? Not sure I can tell at this point, but I don’t think it’s necessarily an idea at all. It is what it is, and Curtis was ready (or thought he was ready) to deal with his sexuality just as he hit the double digits. Coming of age stories don’t usually happen when you’re 10, so Curtis has naturally encountered some tough roads since last year. And not just because of his sexual orientation. Curtis has adopted a nomadic lifestyle in the Pennsylvania foster-care system and moved homes several times in the last few years. What he deals with at school is relatively amateur compared with what he likely deals with at home.

I was walking down the hallway last week and saw Curtis leaning on his locker, face down and tears dripping on the floor. I knew what was going on, but I approached him and inquired anyway – just so he knew I was there. Not ashamed of his wet face, Curtis told me about his classmates cruel taunts. To be something unfamiliar in middle school is a difficult label to live with. The target of jokes, name calling and varied forms of sexual harassment, Curtis is in a constant state of emotional turmoil. I talked with our therapeutic counselor about him later that day and learned that his outbursts are common and extreme. It seems he’s having a very difficult time grappling with how to react to those people who reject him. Who wouldn’t at that age? There was a recent NYTimes article written about coming out in middle school – a topic that seems foreign and unlikely to many, but is a reality for young kids across the country. More now than ever before, middle school-aged kids are coming to grips with the notion that they might be attracted to the same sex. Just as hormones are releasing their inner-sexual drive, these kids are realizing that more than cooties are keeping them away from the girls or boys across the dance floor. It might be they just don’t like them…at all.

Curtis is a special student in many ways, but he is particularly unique in that he isn’t afraid of confronting his own thoughts, fears and feelings. I overheard him talking with our counselor one day after class. He left the door open, so I casually listened to see what information I could gather to do some of my own counseling down the road. It was the usual chatter at first – hello, how are you, need a tissue? It wasn’t until our counselor asked him about what had made him cry that day that we got to the core of his distress.

“My foster dad at home told me being gay means I’m going to die.”

My heart sank and I paused. The expo markers would have to wait. Curtis was under the illusion that being gay was a disease – that it somehow determined your chances and length of life. As he went on and on, and as the counselor listened patiently, he explained how his foster dad convinced him he had made the wrong choice. Being gay, as he understood it, was a death sentence. I’m sure much of what Curtis had understood from his foster dad was literal. I don’t question that being gay is discouraged at his home and what scared me most (more than his foster dad’s ignorance) is that Curtis believed every word. It took a while for the counselor to jump in and interrupt him. I’m not sure if I was sitting across from Curtis at that moment that I could have waited so long to interject. I would have burst into tears, jumped across the table and hugged that little boy. So lost, so uncertain and, no doubt, so scared.

I don’t teach Curtis, but I do see him around every now and then. It can’t be my prerogative to get involved at this point, but it’s certainly on my radar.  I figure my input might be valuable in this type of situation. If not valuable, at least another voice for him to hear. And if not that, at least someone who can show him that he’s not going to die. That he, like all his classmates, can live a long, happy life. Curtis deserves needs to know that. Every kid does.

- Jeff